


In Light of Reflection and Repression

by Annie_Eliza



Series: The Light of Lebanon Universe [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Allusions to prostitution, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Brokeback mountain - Freeform, Closeted Dean Winchester, Ficlet, M/M, Mysterious Skin - Freeform, Parallels, Pre-Canon, Pre-Series, Pre-Series Dean Winchester, Season/Series 01, TLOL Universe, The Light of Lebanon, movies - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 14:04:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12632571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Eliza/pseuds/Annie_Eliza
Summary: Dean reminisces over the movies he's watched alone.





	In Light of Reflection and Repression

**Author's Note:**

> This is mainly just character building for The Light of Lebanon Universe to give you a taste of insight on Dean's "dry spell" when it came to men, his trauma, and his love of movies. You do not have to watch Brokeback Mountain or Mysterious Skin in order to understand this ficlet, nor do you have to read The Light of Lebanon, since this takes place long before the main story. However, knowing the plot to all three might give you huge clues to what Dean has been hiding in the main story.

Even when Dean stopped hooking up with men for four years, he would still occasionally sneak away from his father - and later on, his brother - to see gay and lesbian themed movies. It usually happened when he was near bigger cities, ones with independent theaters that got the films the major chains had no interest in carrying. There were a couple of them that had happy endings, like Big Eden and But I’m a Cheerleader. He enjoyed them but had trouble connecting with them (plus, as Dean Winchester, he felt embarrassed enough seeing romcoms by himself, let alone ones that might make someone question him if the wrong person saw his ticket).

 

But there were two movies that really stuck with him, both of them tragic and heartbreaking with storylines he connected to his own life a bit too well.

 

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=25i7zit)

 

Dean saw _Brokeback Mountain_ in between hunts at a small theater with cramped seats and cheap popcorn. He sat in the back and felt himself shake as he remembered how Luke wanted to make things official and get a bigger place together - sleeping in a bachelor pad when your boyfriend’s niece and nephew start staying over more and more after their mom gets sick becomes cramped really quickly. Staying with Luke had made him as happy he was going to get with hiding who he really was from the people in his life and Sam screening his calls. It had been a couple of years since he had seen or spoken to Luke - he had his heart crushed by Cassie and had reunited with his grieving brother since then - but he couldn’t help but think about him after seeing a movie about gay cowboys.

 

He went back to the hotel and must have looked some type of way because his brother raised his eyebrows and asked:

 

“Get turned down one too many times?”

 

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2d6mvzn)

He let Sam believe what he wanted. He also let his brother believe he was the only one who dreamed of lost love. Sam didn’t need to know that Dean had woken up from his own dream hours before Sam shot up in bed with Jess’s name on his lips.

 

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=6nwolv)

 

Dean didn’t know much about _Mysterious Skin_ going into it. All he knew was that his dad was a few states over, he didn’t have to meet up with him for another couple of days, and that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was kind of cute. He saw a matinee showing of it on a Thursday at noon and had the theater to himself but still sat in the very back. Three-fourths of the way through it, he almost left because the panic and ache he felt throughout the whole movie finally burst through and he couldn’t breathe. They should warn people about scenes like that - warn people they may identify with one of the main characters and that character will go through something just about as horrific as they did.

 

But he stayed. He stayed through the whole entire thing and only cried once he got back to his motel room and into the shower.

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=wb2fkk)

 

He called his dad later that night to ask if they could meet up the next morning. And that time, his dad pulled through. He met Dean for breakfast, paid for them both, and didn’t ask his son one question about what was going through his head.

 

Dean never did figure out if he had been relieved or saddened by that.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story! A side note: I highly recommend everyone watch Mysterious Skin. It's upsetting and tragic, but it is an absolute masterpiece.


End file.
